When did the bullying start?
This question is a difficult, but similar answer for most Queer people, as many offenders of the bullying attack people for being different.
“For me my bullying started around when I cut my hair, before it was very feminine,” a brave Trans student says, revealing their bullying started around the transitioning process. Even as several people claimed that he had no idea what he was doing, and was “too young” to make such massive decisions, he stood for his identity above their approval.
Some victims of bullying may have not been popular or trendy before coming out as Queer. Maybe they liked art, or had an expressive style. For many being any type of expression outside of the standard, (whether with makeup, or clothes, accessories), can be perceived as queer, regardless of whether that is a part of your identity. This falls under the stereotype that all Queer people dress, and act a certain way, so when a Queer person does fit this stereotype, they are often considered insufferable by those who fear boldness in coexistence with individuality.
In locker rooms, many queer athletes dread competition weeks. Often when teammates find out that a teammate is gay, they act uncomfortable, and project that feeling towards the individual.
“Ew you’re gonna stare at me!”, “Oh my gosh, you’re, like, a lesbo wait for us to change first”, “Guys he’s gay he probably loves seeing this.”
Queer students keep their heads down or in their lockers while changing- fearful of accusation or social ostracism. This is not a new stereotype. Gay men have been painted as inherently criminal, associated with a perpetuated narrative of unconsented behavior, when it was time to create another common enemy.
In acting “straight”, many young Queer individuals have forced themselves into heterosexual relationships, to the point of convincing themselves it was better to fake straight than to come out. This can mentally drain anyone, while already trying to understand this pull of attraction you feel to the same gender, fearing the loss of friends, disappointing family, or being “unsuitable” for certain positions in work environments. For nonbinary, gender fluid, or transgender youth, presenting as Cisgender means waking up in a body that was never meant for you, and yet is yours. The world views you in direct juxtaposition to how you are. Pretending, in this case, means physically embodying a betrayal to your truth.
Being closeted is usually one of the most tiring parts of the experience itself, figuring out how everyone you love feels about it before you tell them. People mask out of fear that the truth is just too scary to face. The knowledge of a homophobic, or transphobic loved one or friend, who you can’t stand to lose is enough to stifle self-love.
Nonetheless, love should never be a compromise.
And in the midst of this fear, even religion can be weaponized against your identity. An all-loving God is framed as making a cruel exception for you, and many growing up in a church feel isolated from the right of human love.
Who are you beyond your Queer identity? Athletes, artists, journalists, writers, readers, fashionistas, honor roll, barely passing classes, popular, non-popular; being Queer isn’t something that defines you, because you’re more than that, like a Cisgender straight person is more than being straight and being Cis. Being Queer is normal, and natural.
Until society can understand that, I will continue to express it no matter how “insufferable” it makes me. We all deserve to take up space in the world, and have a space fit just for us.
