How many people have cried themselves to sleep as the ache of being unknown claws at their chest? How many have hid their tears as someone they call a friend asks if they’d sit this meet-up out? How many have felt their heart break as they realize what others have been saying about them? How many people have felt, and do feel, completely alone?
Too many.
Loneliness is a common ailment these days. It affects millions of people in the world. And how ironic is it that we all suffer from being completely alone? But, what is the cause? What has turned the world upside down into a wasteland of hatred, skepticism, and apathy?
The loneliness epidemic.
“I don’t remember hearing about a loneliness epidemic before the days of the internet,” Matthew Barker, AP Psychology teacher, said.
In the 80s, kids would come home when the street lights came on. News stories were broadcast only on TV, and if you missed it, then you missed the news. There was no knowledge about the violence happening across the world every second. Nowadays most people have cell phones, and these phones are one’s connection to the entire world.
For many people, 24/7 news is causing anxiety, especially in parents. After kidnapping stories and true crime mysteries, parents have become scared to let their children wander far. Or at all.
Kids are encouraged to stay inside, to be safe and not trust new people—“Stranger danger!” their parents call—isolating them from society. These children no longer know how to interact with the world because they were never allowed to be in it. And yet, as they grow older, their parents grow angry: “Why don’t you ever go outside? Why don’t you have any friends?” Everyone assumes that they know how to make friends, how to exist in a public space because what child at this age doesn’t? So, the child becomes ashamed to ask for instruction, and no adult thinks to give it. Without this imperative social knowledge, the child either makes a fool of themselves in society’s eye or isolates themselves from society to avoid the embarrassment.
Another main cause of the loneliness epidemic is a lack of third places. A third place is somewhere found outside of your home (first place) and work/school (second place). Some examples of third places include cafes, stores, libraries, etc. Due to the rise in social media, physical third places are becoming less popular. Malls are shutting down. Stores are closing their doors, all because social media is taking over third places. And, social media’s role as a new third place is doing the opposite of what it is supposed to do.
Twenty years ago, Facebook was two years old. By no means was it used to the level it, or other social media, is used today. Actually, in 2005, only about 5% of adults in the US used social media, according to an “Our World in Data” article by Esteban Ortiz-Ospina. That number has, of course, skyrocketed. How many people are on their phones using social media? You don’t need to look far to see that people are glued to their phones. This is just a single example of one of the ways social media harms true connection.
“I think, since people are spending so much time on the internet forming connections, a lot of those connections are fake, and they lose the ability to actually have relationships in their personal life,” Brooklyn Donohue (11) said.
You can’t have a real conversation with the barista when you’re scrolling. You won’t be able to compliment a girl’s makeup because you won’t look up. These are the important beginnings of real relationships, and they simply don’t happen anymore.
Social media can have benefits: talking to people you never would have met in person, learning new topics and hobbies, or finding community for a niche interest. But how many stories do you hear of invisible cyberbullies, or Karens who harass and tear people down? How many welcoming communities have become dumpsters for toxic waste? Social media can connect, but it can just as easily tear us apart as we forget our humanity.
The constant negativity online can do a number on people’s mental health. For instance, by going online, people are isolating themselves: “There is some evidence to note that people who are experiencing social isolation and loneliness are at increased risk for premature death,” said Dr. Clark, in an article published by the American Medical Association. “Social isolation and loneliness were associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease and a 32% risk of stroke.”
While loneliness has been prevalent throughout history, the moment that really shed light on the loneliness epidemic was Covid-19.
“Especially with Covid and coming out of Covid…we have found that with our technology, ironically, what was originally thought to be something to unite us in some ways. Has allowed for people to isolate themselves, intentionally or unintentionally,” Barker said.
People went from being able to go places, to having to shield ourselves from the pandemic. People wore physical masks to block out the germs but they also wore mental and emotional masks in order to survive. Those couple of years have caused harm to our society and the way we socialize.
In a study from the American Psychological Association, researchers found a 5% increase in loneliness on average in more than 200,000 participants. While Covid-19 made a dent on our ability to be social, this doesn’t mean it’s the end for our society. There are many ways people can find each other.
Everyone’s a little lonely. So if you get the urge to say hello to someone but think, “No, that’ll be too awkward,” do it anyway. The world might be a bit better for it.
