The Throes Of High School Dating
What does a high-school relationship look like today?
How would you describe a healthy relationship?
February 3, 2022
The four years we spend in high school are one of the largest growth periods we experience in our life. From the beginning of freshman year to the end of senior year, we become dramatically different people, whether it is through our recreational activities or our core values. One of the most impactful elements that contribute to this growth are the people we associate ourselves with and the relationships we engage in. Whether or not you support the prospect of high school relationships, such romanticisms are highly inevitable, especially considering the influence of social media’s portrayal of the dating scene.
But with high school being most students’ introduction to dating, there is little experience to make judgments on who they should and shouldn’t be with. Most don’t fully know what they want from life or who they are as a person. For senior Isabelle Grothoff, she has attempted to reflect the image that her parents have modeled through their marriage.
“My mom and dad are best friends and they have a really good relationship with each other,” Grothoff said. “My dad doesn’t go out and hang out with other females and my mom doesn’t go out and hang out with other guys because they’re devoted to each other. Because of how my dad treats my mom, it has raised my expectations of males.”
Her parents have helped guide Grothoff through the complications of high school dating and what she should look for, as well as what to avoid. She believes that communication is the most important value a relationship can have. “If you can have communication you can have loyalty and honesty, as well as kindness because that truly goes a long way.”
However, is the picture of a healthy relationship the same for everyone? Considering the major maturity gap that exists between freshman and senior year, the younger grade carries a similar, but different value.
“A healthy relationship is trusting each other to the full maximum that you can make time for each other when you are able to,” freshman Jillian Kalbac said.
The times when Kalbac has been in the interest of companionship, she looks out for things that trigger or bother her as a person. It is the little things that a person does that can really show who they are and allowing yourself to engage in such a relationship would be unhealthy.
“Recognizing red flags comes with experience, said English teacher Mr. Schaper. “When you start to get to know someone, pay attention to their behavior, in terms of how they treat other people, even something as simple as how they treat a stranger, or what they say about their friends when they aren’t around.”
Schaper emphasizes that in order to maintain a healthy relationship for both parties, communication is the most important thing to pay attention to.
“If you’re willing to listen to what the other person is saying without getting bothered by the fact that they may disagree with you. Seek the understanding of the other person first before you try to make yourself understood,” he said.
One of the biggest struggles in high school relationships is finding the time to balance school work, after-school activities, jobs, and another person besides yourself to focus on. Oftentimes, the endurance of a relationship through all of one’s personal commitments is challenging, notably due to the lack of time there is in a day, week, or month.
Grothoff states, “With the amount of school work you get in high school, you don’t have as much time, especially when jobs start. It puts stress on relationships.”
When you are younger, it is easy to believe that your partner at the time may be your one and only. Some may even make the decision to yield their own interests only to fully invest in their significant others in hopes of beginning their life on the right foot. However, Mr. Schaper who has experienced such feelings has learned otherwise from his past high school dating career.
“Self-discovery that you have to do when you are at this stage of your life. You’re the only person that can truly dictate what you want with your life. Be careful about investing parts of yourself in another person, no matter who it is. I think that even goes for really really close friendships. Understand what you want and what your boundaries are and be willing to communicate that with the other person. You’ve got a lot of life to live. It is perfectly natural to break up. Realizing that that is part of life and being thankful for the companionship you had.”
But dating goes beyond the relationship you have with another person; it also involves a lot of self care and love for yourself. Many high school students have learned that if you do not first love yourself, it is extremely difficult to maintain a strong, healthy relationship with another person.
“It is easier to feel like you are enough when you’re with the person you are with if you feel like you are enough for yourself. It is my job to make myself happier, not my partner. The only person that you are truly going to have is yourself,” Grothoff said.
She shares this insight with Kalbac and Mr. Schaper, who both agree that loving yourself is the first, most vital step to being in a relationship.
“If you don’t love yourself or you don’t have a good track record of being kind and supportive to yourself, then it is really difficult for somebody to take care of those aspects of yourself for you. If you are not kind to yourself and you are not modeling that for other people, then they are not going to feel like they need to be kind to you. You won’t have demonstrated that skill. Hurt people hurt people,” Schaper said.
But what about the extension of a relationship beyond real life? Dating culture has leaked its way through the internet and spilled down through social media platforms of all kinds. With constant exposure to these internet portrayals of romance, it can be difficult to discern what a healthy versus unhealthy relationship can look like in today’s day and age.
“People look at posts and think, ‘why is my relationship not like that?,’ when that is just a frame of a second in their life. I know many people who will tell me ‘right after this picture was taken we got into a huge fight.’ I don’t think people take that into account. It’s not always going to be romantic. There will be times where it will be boring and you’ll just have to work through it. I don’t think social media portrays that as a part of relationships,” Grothoff said.
She has found a way to protect the health and stability of her relationships by keeping it private, in order to avoid the drama of everyone knowing. She understands that what she sees in the media is an unrealistic standard that is fabricated for views and likes.
“Social media does not show the true aspects of a relationship. Teenagers look at these posts and standards, which ends up setting themselves to believe that it will be better than it is, and they don’t appreciate every moment of it in the long run,” Grothoff explained.
As a high schooler, it can be difficult to know what you want. Seeking companionship is one resolution that many come to. It is most important to first love yourself, respect your and others’ boundaries, and try not to be swayed by Instagram’s picture perfect posts. High School relationships should be fun and about enjoying the bond of another person. But always remember to put yourself first.
